Natural Family Planning (NFP) is not just a method of understanding fertility; it's a shared experience that can significantly strengthen the bond between partners by improving their communication. Effective communication plays a pivotal role in navigating this journey together. One thing I noticed when starting my own NFP journey was that most NFP websites and resources always seem to make it feel as if the only way to practice NFP with your partner is to communicate every gritty detail about your cycle and fertility signs with your spouse. While some men may be totally comfortable and excited to learn all the ins and outs of your chart and fertility signs, some men (my husband included) want to encourage NFP and support you without being clued in on every detail. They may still want a little mystery! That's totally okay! Not everyone wants to know the nitty-gritty of your cervical mucus observations or the play by play of basal body temperature—and that's perfectly fine. Let's explore how to keep your partner in the loop without overwhelming him with TMI, and how to respect their comfort level while still making NFP a joint venture.
It’s About Balance
Remember, NFP is as much about communication and connection as it is about charting and planning. If your partner prefers a highlights reel over a detailed documentary, you can still engage in meaningful conversations about your cycle and what it means for both of you.
Ways to Share Without Oversharing:
Phase Updates: Instead of daily details, consider giving updates about what phase of your cycle you are in. "I'm in the fertile window," or "I'm in the luteal phase now," gives them a heads-up without diving deep into the specifics. My husband understands the basics of the different menstural cycle phases, so I always let him know if I started the fertile window, if I'm supposed to be starting my period, and...very importantly... when that 3 day count down begins post peak. This way he can understand any mood changes he may see. Plus, this allows your partner to know when to plan more dates that keep you away from the bedroom if you are TTA (trying to avoid). It also helps your spouse plan accordingly for when a romantic night in might be most appropriate.
Mood and Energy Check-Ins: Sometimes, sharing how you're feeling can be more relevant than the nitty-gritty of your chart. If you’re feeling energetic, tender, or introspective, sharing these mood and energy shifts can be a simple way to communicate about your cycle without getting too technical.
Updates in Any Major Cycle Changes: One thing that you should try to make sure to communicate with your partner is if there are any major changes in your cycle. For example, you should let your spouse know if it seems like your cycle is lasting longer than normal (either prolonged luteal phase or delayed ovulation). If you explain to your partner that these changes can be signs of increased stress, your spouse can keep an eye out for anything extra that might be causing you increased stress, and he can try to help you relax more to help alleviate any stressors that might be impacting your cycle and fertility.
General Fertility Awareness: Discussing your cycle in broader terms can be enlightening without getting into the weeds. Chat about how the menstrual cycle can affect energy, libido, and mood in general terms. This can foster empathy and understanding without the need for detailed chart analysis. Since my husband is always clued in on what phase of my cycle I am in, he is always prepared for when I may get more emotional or sensitive at certain times such as during the luteal phase as I am approaching my period.
Listen and Adapt: Pay attention to how your partner responds to the information you share. If they seem interested and ask questions, you might share a bit more. But if they seem overwhelmed or disinterested, it's a cue to keep things more general. In my experience, my husband does find the concept of fertility and the changes in the female cycle very interesting, but I know he could do without knowing about my daily cervical mucus observations... and I'm totally ok with that! I am completely comfortable with him just knowing what phase I am in or if I'm noticing any shifts in my cycle rather than describing my cervical mucus appearance. In fact, I would personally rather have it this way. However, I also know of many men that are not as "middle of the road" as my husband and tend to be on more extreme ends of the spectrum when it comes to communication. Some men are extremely open and may also be more visual learners, who would prefer to have your chart displayed somewhere that they can physically see and understand your cycle. If your spouse continuously seems to be asking more questions and wanting to know more details about your chart, you may try sharing more about your day to day observations to help involve your husband even more. In fact, if they want an even more hands-on approach, you can give them more responsibility by letting them do the honors of filling out the chart for you. On the other hand, some guys are more of the "go time" or "no time" types. This means that they feel more uncomfortable with knowing details of your cycle, but rather would prefer to simply be told if it is or is not a good time for intercourse depending on the couple's current NFP goals. These guys are simple. Just let them know if it is more of a "romantic night in" or "sweat pants and hoodie" kind of night. Just remember, each couple has their own special communication style and comfort level.
Other Inclusive Conversations:
Planning Together: Even if your partner prefers not to know every detail, discussing how your cycle impacts your plans (like date nights, social outings, or quiet days at home) can be a practical way to involve them. It's about strategizing together based on the broader understanding of your cycle. For example, if your partner knows that you are in your fertile window (when trying to conceive) or are 4 days post peak (when trying to avoid pregnancy), then he can plan accordingly to spend more intimate time with you rather than going out for a guys night.
Wellness Activities: Invite your partner to join you in activities that support your cycle's needs, like a relaxing walk during your luteal phase or a fun workout during your follicular phase. It's a way to include him in supporting your cycle and understanding hormonal changes without diving into details.
Emotional Support: Sometimes, just knowing you need a little extra TLC during certain times of the month is enough. Letting your partner know you might feel more sensitive or need more rest can keep them connected to you and your cycle. In my case, my husband knows that sometimes the week before I am supposed to get my period I tend to get more emotional. This insight helps him to be more cautious with his words around this time of the month as well as be more comforting and patient with me.
Conclusion: Embracing Different Levels of Involvement:
It's important to remember that being involved in NFP doesn't require an all-or-nothing approach. Everyone's comfort level with information varies, and that's okay. If your partner loves to know more details about your cycle and be very active in helping you chart, more power too him! However, if your husband is more like mine and supports NFP but isn't as comfortable knowing every daily detail of your fertility signs, that is perfectly ok as well. In fact, I can't imagine practicing NFP any other way at this point. To be perfectly honest, I'm glad that my husband is not dying to know what my cervical mucus looks like every day because having to explain these details would make me feel a little less sexy! I like keeping some things a bit of a mystery, and I am happy that I can still communicate about NFP and my cycle without having to get into these nitty-gritty details. Communication styles and personalities are different for every relationship, and that is what makes each of our relationships so unique and wonderful. The goal is to find a way to communicate and connect that feels right for both of you.
Example:
Let’s say you're approaching your period and you know you tend to feel more introspective and prefer quiet evenings. Instead of detailing why (based on your charting), you might say, "I'm heading into a week where I really cherish some quiet time. How about we plan a cozy movie night in?" This invites your partner to support your needs in a way that respects his preference for less detail.
Remember, NFP is a journey you’re on together, and finding the right way to share it can strengthen your bond. Whether your partner wants all the details or just the broad strokes, what matters most is that you're communicating, supporting each other, and navigating this journey as a team. Here’s to finding that perfect balance and walking this path hand in hand, with respect and love guiding the way.
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